Anger

Over the last few months I have struggled not really knowing what I was thinking for feeling. Today I realized I have been angry. Angry at a number of people and situations. When my Dede died I was angry. I have been angry at him for not fighting harder, even though he fought all he could. Angry at God for not making him better all those months I prayed and for taking him from me. So angry at God for what I thought was him closing the door on me and in reality it was me closing the door on God. Angry at myself for not giving him the experiences in my life he and I talked about for so long. Really I was just Angry that I had to say goodbye and let go. I am tired of being angry and just want it to stop. I want the pain to go away, even though I know it takes awhile. Anger takes control and just runs away with my heart and I am done letting it control me.

God,

I am done being angry for all the wrong reasons. I don't want to be angry anymore and I know that only you can stop it. I want to feel like I am living again and not simply walking through each day. I want to forgive and move on without holding on to what I need to let go. I want to walk with You and not alone anymore. I no longer want to live the life I think I should and rather start living the life You created for me. You love me even when I yell and scream at You and for that I am ask for your strength and guidance. I love You!!!

Your Daughter,
Abigail