I have been spending the last few days beginning my journey to find purpose for my life and grow closer to God. It is funny how the one thing that we never really want to admit is the one thing God keeps putting in front of us. Every reading I have done both in my bible and the two books I am reading have been on these first 2 lessons.
LESSON 1
*Fear - Wow big word for me. I don't like to admit that I have fear. Well God knew otherwise and continued to point it out to me really over the last 4 months, but it has only been in the last week I have been willing to really focus on it. Slowly different fears of mine have been placed in front of me as opportunities by God to let go of those fears and instead trust him. If I am going to be honest, I never wanted anyone to know my greatest fear. I have spent so many years trying to hide it or push people away so they won't find out. But, here it is....I have a fear that I will be hurt by the man that I love and choose as a husband. I know that is a real fear for many women, but for me well lets just say I know it can happen. I watched as a 10 year old how my mom saw the man she loved break her heart in ways no one should ever. Since that time I have spent every day wondering if I ever trusted someone to love me would I face the same thing. It is not easy for me to say this because even writing it I know that it can happen. What I have learned though is that if I live with that fear holding me back I will never know the kind of truly amazing Christ like love that is out there from someone. So let me say God is daily asking me to let go of that fear and be willing to open myself up for whatever he places in front of me.
LESSON 2
*Searching
God has also shown me that I keep searching for all the things I thought I wanted instead of always appreciating the great things of now. If I live my life always searching for something bigger, better, or more exciting, then I will miss out on some AMAZING things. God has shown me that there is a healthy amount of searching that can go on and there also needs to be a healthy amount of being content with the here and now.
So with both of those lessons I begin with at times unsteady feet to step forward and take each step for what it is.
Thanks for sharing these things with us - I know it's hard! I am praying about both of those things for myself as well - that I will not live in fear and have an open heart, and that I find contentment in all circumstances and be able to say "It is well with my soul." Love you!
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