TRUST

I wish trust came easy. There are times in life when we need to trust others with everything we are even if that means we have to trust them blindly. I have tried so hard to trust others in life, but now realize when it comes down to it I am scared of trusting and loosing. I pride myself on being able to handle things on my own and be an individual, but there are times when I need the love and support from others. I find it so hard to simply put myself out there with the uncertainty of if it will end well or end in me getting hurt. I think we all struggle with relying on others when there is past disappointment from those who are supposed to always be trusted. When it comes to trusting others I find it very difficult because in all honesty one of the first people I trusted let me down 16 years ago. My dad was someone that I looked up to and trusted to always love and support me no matter what I did in life. I could never imagine that at some point that blind trust I had in him would disappear in thin air. When my dad left I put a wall up around my heart and have really tried to ensure that I would never feel that pain again. The heartache and distrust I felt at that time in my life has kept me from trusting some people that I know I can trust with all that I am. I forgave my father long ago for leaving and not being there when I needed him the most along with breaking that level of trust I placed in him, but I don't know that I ever really let go of the hurt I felt. I am grateful that I have people placed in my life that have helped me begin to heal from that distrust. There are those of you who I love that have shown me that even letting down a piece of my wall is worth it because no matter what you stand by me. Trust is as you can tell a big thing for me and if I tell you that you mean the world to me and I trust you with my heart as a friend than know that it was not easy for me, but worth the struggle and fear I felt.